Letters to Senpai
by pickalily
Summary: She sits at the red light waiting for it to turn green. A one-shot of letters that Makoto writes to her senpai about their relationship.


**A/N:** _Fledgling drabble as I ponder getting into writing fics for other fandoms. I have an idea for a Sailor Moon AU which is pretty cool. Should get to writing it b/c other people are interested in it. It should be noted that this fic was originally uploaded on Shoujo Amino for a challenge where you would write a fic from a shoujo series based on a break up song. I ended up choosing Lorde's "Green Light" as I wrote about Makoto's relationship with her senpai._

* * *

 _I know what you did and I wanna scream the truth  
_ _She thinks you love the beach, you_ _'_ _re such a damn liar_

* * *

Dear Senpai

I never told you why I moved. I never even said goodbye. I'm not sure if it's because I didn't want you to know or if I was afraid that you wouldn't even care if you saw me one last time before I left. I never wanted to leave but I decided it was the best decision for me. Did you notice that I hadn't come to school for a week before I was gone for good? I didn't think I could bear seeing you after everything I saw and heard.

I knew that you and that girl in your class got along very well. She's so pretty and small that I was always a bit jealous of her but you told me not to worry about it so much. It's not that I'm surprised that I saw you together in the rose gardens. She looks so happy with you that I can't help feeling happy for the both of you but I wish you told me before that you didn't love me before. Does she know about me at all? I don't expect you to tell her about me. After all, I'm only a lowly underclassman who's too tall with unruly brown hair, but I don't think I'd mind if you told me at least who I was. But maybe I'm not worth mentioning to her.

I thought the first time I saw you together, her hand placed gently on your arm while she laughed at something funny you said, it must have been a trick of the light. Maybe i was being to paranoid and imagining the whole thing. I saw you two the next day though but I don't think you noticed me trailing behind you, hesitant to even say hello. My eyes widened when I saw you lace your fingers together with hers like you used to do with mine. They meshed together perfectly, as if your fingers fit with hers perfectly like puzzle pieces, and I could feel my heart shatter just a little bit as I watched you two. She asked you what you planned to do over summer vacation and I strained my ears to listen to your answer, hoping that you would mention the summer festival we had planned on going to together. Instead, you shrugged, saying that you didn't have any particular plans. The summer festival was completely forgotten. She giggled and asked you if you liked the beach, saying that she loved it and thought the weather was perfect for a trip soon. You didn't even pause for a second when you told her you liked the beach and I wondered when you turned into such a good liar. I asked you if you liked the beach once and you told me you hated it. The grains of sand stuck in between your toes and were a hassle to wash off, you said. You liked going fishing down at the river much better. But why did you lie?

I thought about confronting you about it. I thought about talking to her about you. I thought about revealing what you did to the entire school, wondering if exposing you to everyone would give me a feeling of validation, would have proved that we had something together at one point. Maybe I should have done that instead of running away, but I really can't bear to even look at you right now. And people at this school think I'm scary because my uniform doesn't match and I'm too tall, but I'd much rather face this sea of strangers than look you in the eye.

Love,

Makoto

* * *

 _Thought you said that you would always be in love  
_ _But you_ _'_ _re not in love no more  
_ _Did it frighten you  
_ _How we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?  
_ _On the light up floor_

* * *

Dear Senpai,

I should stop thinking about you but I can't help but remember you whenever I pass by a movie theater or an arcade. You used to take me to those sorts of places whenever we went on dates. You never liked the moves I chose because they were too sappy and romantic and you told me arcade games were childish but you still took me anyway because it made me happy.

The other day this girl in my class invited me to a ice cream parlor after school and it reminded me of how we used to frequent the ice cream parlor near my house on the weekends. You liked to sit in the corner booths and you bought me a sundae while you had a chocolate malt that you let me take a sip from every now and then. The girl I went with invited her other friends there and they were all really nice but it was still painful for me to be there. I'm sure you don't remember but you told me you loved me there. Maybe it didn't mean anything to you but it meant something to me. It still does.

We had been going out to the parlor for weeks and I was feeling a little too lucky. After all, I was your underclassman and we probably never would have interacted if it weren't for the fact that I knocked over your lunch that one morning. I made you another one the next day and you said it was delicious and invited me out for milkshakes as a thank you even though you didn't need to thank me at all. Then you asked me to the movies and the arcade and we would go to different restaurants every week. I didn't want to think too much about you buying me food all of the time but you looked at me like I was stupid when I asked you why you liked going with me to the movies and the arcade so often. You twirled your straw between your fingers and smiled at me like I was the silliest thing. Then you said the four words that will always echo through my mind: "Because I love you." You kissed me afterward and when we pulled away I was smiling like an idiot, especially when you added that you would love me forever. I thought forever was supposed to be longer but maybe I was wrong.

Love,

Makoto

* * *

 _But, honey, I_ _'_ _ll be seein_ _'_ _you_ _'_ _ever I go  
_ _But, honey, I_ _'_ _ll be seein_ _'_ _you down every road_

* * *

Dear Senpai,

I miss you even though you don't miss me at all. I see you everywhere. Sometimes I'll just be walking and see a guy who looks just like you. Or he walks like you. Or I hear your voice or your laugh. But then I turn around so fast that I give myself whiplash. It's never you though. I take a second glance at whoever I thought was you and realize that they don't look like you at all.

Love,

Makoto

* * *

 _Sometimes I wake up in a different bedroom  
_ _I whisper things the city sings_ _'_ _em back to you_

* * *

Dear Senpai,

Sometimes I wake up and I forget that I moved at all. I stare up at the ceiling and forget that you don't love me anymore. I wonder why I'm looking at such an unfamiliar ceiling. Then I remember that you're not here and that I'll never see you again. It shouldn't make me feel so sad but it still does. Do you ever think of me or where I am? I wonder if any of my thoughts reach you even though we're so far away. I catch myself thinking of you and words escape my mouth before I can even stop myself. Sometimes it's "I love you" but sometimes I say "hate" instead of "love." Do you ever hear it?

Love,

Makoto

* * *

 _I_ _'_ _m waiting for it, that green light, I want it_

* * *

Dear Senpai,

This is the last letter I will ever write to you. I don't know if you read my other letters but I don't care if you do. I hope you and your girlfriend are happy. You both look really great together and I wish you two the utmost happiness.

Senpai, I had some of the best times with you, but I think I've been stopping myself from moving on because I was too hung up on everything we used to have and was unwilling to let it go. I still treasure the moments we had together but I realize I have to move on and I think I'm finally well enough to do so. I will never forget you but I have found new friends and new opportunities for my future.

Thank you, Senpai.

Makoto

* * *

 **A/N:** _Makoto's relationship with her senpai is typically used for comedic affect (at least in the classic 90's adaptation) although there were few occasions where the show took it seriously. Just taking a moment to re-validate her hurt over her senpai b/c I love my green sailor guardian. Wouldn't worry too much about songfic format at this point b/c it's not one I like to do v often and I just used this format for this particular fic._

 _Thus ends my first fic for the Sailor Moon series. Hopefully there will be more to come. Requests are welcome :)_

 **Word Count:** _1,469_


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